I'm sorry, Lucy
by LeanMeanGreen
Summary: Natsu has been away from Fairy Tail for 3 years, training with Igneel. When he came back, the unthinkable happened... T for swearing and other things. (On HAITUS! Don't hate me pls.)
1. You can't be dead

**Geez. Okay, chapter story. This story is mainly based on Natsu's POV, sometimes another person's may come in. Now, this may seem OOC as fuck to you, but Natsu is mature now. (NaLu)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: <strong>What the hell happened?

**Natsu's POV.**

Today was finally the day. I was returning to Fairy Tail, and this time, I wasn't going to leave them again.

About 3 years ago, I finally found Igneel wondering in a wreck of a town. I just smelt him... his scent wasn't the same, but familiar. I had run away from Lucy and Happy, desperately trying to get to the smell. I wanted to see Igneel so bad, it sort of hurt. When I saw him right in front of me... I almost collapsed from tears. I was so happy, that it wasn't just a fake or a con like the other times. I remembered my blurring vision, the way I vaguely saw Igneel's line of lip curl up into a small smile.

After that scenario, I left Fairy Tail to train with Igneel. I don't know if Gajeel found Metalicana or if Wendy found Grandine, but I sure hope that they did. It would've been awesome too see the smile on their faces.

I remember when it was my time to say goodbye. I couldn't even take Happy with me, and he seemed distressed about it. I told him not to worry and that I'll be back in a couple of years. Then, I challenged Gildarts and Erza to a fight, saying that I'd beat them when I came back. They agreed willingly, and that was one of the motivations I told myself with the harsh training Igneel offered me.

Then I recall Lucy, the way her cheeks were all puffy from crying and the way snot was coming out of her nose because she was crying so hard. She was my main motivation for training. So when I matured, when I had the confidence to say "I love you," right in front of her. I just hoped she would say yes. Damn, my hands are shaking just thinking about it. I promised Lucy I would arrive on her birthday, and that's what I was planning to do.

**~ Later ~**

"Are you sure I'm ready, dad?" I asked, shifting uncomfortably as I placed my hands behind my head and relaxed into them, leaning back slightly. Since my the outfit I came in when I first got to training with Igneel ripped, he made me new clothes using fire-proof material. Luckily, the scarf didn't burn. I think it's fire-proof too. The outfit was the same as my old outfit, only slightly tighter and darker.

**"I feel that you are ready, Salamander. Make me proud." **Igneel nudged me with his nose, causing me too fall off the log I was sitting on. Luckily, my reflexes have improved, so I landed on my hands and flipped so I was facing Igneel again.

"Thanks, dad. I'll see you when I can. Promise you won't disappear again?" I really hoped he didn't. It was sad without him the first time, but losing him again... I wouldn't be able to handle it.

**"No promises, Natsu. Now, get going." **He roared before giving me one of his smiles that made me feel proud. I grabbed by sack holding the items I brought before I came to training. The items were a photo of the whole guild, an empty water bottle and a locket Lucy handed me before I left. I opened the locket, and a smile came across my face. It was all of Team Natsu together in one picture. On the other side, it was just a photo of me and her. This picture made me blush slightly. I was so pumped about seeing her again, it made me feel giddy inside.

A put all the items in the sack and went on my way to the forest. It would take about a one, two day trip by foot. A couple of hours by train. Igneel taught me how to handle the sickness better, but I still have it and but I can control it.

So I decided to find the nearest train station, it would probably be best. I just wanted to see the whole guild again... their smiling faces as they rushed to greet me. I would give anything to see my closest nakama, Happy and Lucy.

Feeling the soft breeze against my skin, I finally came across one of the few towns the area had to offer. Seeing the train already at the station, I started to feel sick again. My face turned pale and I quickly held my hand against my mouth. _Must control it. _I thought, composing myself. I took a steady step onto the rocking train, trying my best not to throw up on the spot. At least I was able to walk without throwing up instantly.

**~ After the train ride, a few steps from Fairy Tail ~**

I looked up proudly at my guild. I could smell the scent of everyone in there. There was one missing, though, but I couldn't identify which one... I guess someone was out on a mission or something. My knuckles whitened around the grip of my sack, the pure giddiness of just seeing the guild again rising up in me. I wanted to burst in there and scream,

"Yo! Natsu's back, bitches!"

But Igneel taught me how to be better mannered than that. I could feel my heart beating with excitement, the echoing of each of my steps against the hard stone ground. I looked to the guild mark, still on my shoulder. I kept it there. I wanted everyone to know I was still a part of Fairy Tail.

My palm rested on the wooden doors, shaking slightly. Why was I so nervous? I knew all these people. I _know _all these people. Did I need to be nervous? No-I-fucking-didn't! The confidence rose back in my as I flung the doors open and screamed,

"YO! Natsu's back!"

I left out the 'bitches' part because... who know that they'd do?

My smile instantly faded as I sensed the aura around the room. It was so... gloomy. Were they sad that I'm back? That's rather rude, don't you th-

"NATSU!"

My thoughts were interrupted by the tackling Happy. I smiled as patted him on the head. Happy was followed by Lisanna, then Erza, then Mirajane, and so forth. I was so glad to see everyone again, I hugged each and every one of them in response. Yes, even Gray. Don't judge me. I'm happy.

"Oi! Where's Lucy?"

As soon as the word 'Lucy' slipped out of my mouth, the happy aura died. Everyone returned back to their seats, Mirajane turned around and returned to cleaning the glasses and beer jugs. I was so confused, where was Lucy? Why is everyone so sad? I had so many questions boiling in my head I sauntered up to the bar and placed my sack on the table.

"Mirajane, where's Master?" Mira looked up at me and gave a weak smile. It was really heartbreaking looking at everyone so sad. I was expecting for there to be a party. Booze. Fights. And at the end of the party, I would hold Lucy's hand, pretending that I was drunk, but Igneel taught me not to drink so excessively. Maybe Igneel should teach Cana.

"S-Second floor..." She murmured. She looked like she was about to cry. My eyebrows furrowed together as I stomped up the stairs to meet Master. I needed answers! Desperately! I couldn't stand the aura. It was horrible.

"Master!" I shouted as I kicked the door open. I wouldn't of done this, but I was too angry to even care about the well-being of a stupid wooden plank that was just getting in my way. "What the hell is happening?"

Master was looked out of his office window, his hands placed neatly behind his back. He was as short as ever, and, if I squinted, I could see dry tears on his cheeks. Even Master was sad?

"Natsu. Sit down, my child."

I calmly took as seat as he followed me and took a seat himself. He stared right into my eyes, and it was making my rather uncomfortable. I shifted awkwardly again, trying not to let it bother me. "Master, where is Lucy?"

Master looked like he was about to burst into tears. I was his knuckles whiten on the paper work in front of him as it started to crumple. I wanted to know what happened to Lucy... my mind was jogging on possibilities on what could've happened to her. Late on a mission? Left the guild? Nah... she would never do that. My mind was trying to avoid the worst possible scenario, that fact that-

"Lucy is dead." Master put bluntly, I saw tears dripping down his cheeks.

**Erza's POV.**

"Gray... what are we going to do with Natsu? Once he finds out..." I tried my best not to cry. Natsu had to come back, on all days, he came back on her birthday... that's when everyone is the saddest. Everybody visits her grave, everybody mourns...

"I don't know Erza, he'll-"

My head flashed upwards to the stairs of the second floor as I heard a slam. It was Natsu... oh no. He's going to be in hysterics, for sure. I wanted his return to be joyful, happy... no it will just be a sad day of mourning. Everybody stood up, as they all heard the slam the same time I did.

"S-Sit down, everyone. Master will handle it." I heard Mirajane squeak. It must be so hard for her, she had her heart set on Lucy and Natsu dating ever since they arrived at Fairy Tail.

I heard stomping and my attention turned back to the stairs. Natsu, teary-eyed and looking pale, stomped down the stairs weakly. His hand was shaking and he was crying loudly. In all my years of Fairy Tail, I had never seen Natsu cry so hard. It seemed his vision was blurry, and he couldn't see well, as he bumped into a few chairs on the way. No one went up to him to give him comfort, everyone just gave him some space. If I was him, that's what I would've wanted too.

**Natsu's POV.**

Why... WHY DID I LEAVE? I missed my chance... I missed my chance to tell the only person I've ever loved that I love them! WHY? Master when I said I wouldn't believe him, he said 2 months after I left Lucy died of a sickness that was not known of. Apparently she had at for months, but told no one. At least... if I stayed... she could've died in my arms. I could've saved her.. I could have...

My tears were flowing more excessively now, and I collapsed on my knees, into the muddy dirt. The shining sun seemed to lose it's gleam, and everything seemed so much duller. I brushed my hands through the wet grass, the feel somehow comforting me in my distress. I kept on crying and brushing my hand until I came across a thorn, and it pricked me.

My hand retracted instantly as I wiped my tears away, seeing what pricked me. They were white roses, with a little bit of pink around the edges of the petals. I decided I would take this to the church, to Lucy's grave. I'm sure she'd wanted it. I hastily plucked them out of the ground, pushed myself up and almost ran to the church.

**~ Later, at Lucy's Grave ~**

I stared at Lucy's grave for a while. Trying to get every last bit of her life as I felt her happy aura slipping away. The tombstone was intricately carved, I might even say it looked better than Lisanna's. A settled onto my knees, gripping the roses in my hand. I could see all the flowers from the fellow guild member were there as well, making the grave reek of flowers.

But, in it's strange way, it smelled a lot like Lucy. I gently placed the flowers on her grave, as if not to wake her from her slumber, and closed my eyes, letting myself be lost in the presence of her grave. I muttered a few things to her grave. My secrets, my desires, stuff I always wanted to try out. But the very last confession I made, was the one that almost made me burst into tears.

_**"I love ****you."**_

I clenched my teeth together, trying to hold the stinging tears in my eyes. It was no use, I let the hot tears flow down my cheeks, a laid onto her grave, as if to hug her, and passed out then.

**~ In Fairy Tail's infirmary ~**

A woke up with a start. I was in Fairy Tail's infirmary. My hand was bandaged from clenching the roses too hard. My head whipped around, and it seemed I was the only human presence in the infirmary. I saw no Wendy, or Mirajane... there wasn't even Happy waiting beside me. I pulled my legs up and rested my elbows on them. I dug my face into my hands and started to cry softly.

The memories of the grave came flooding back to me. If only I was there to save her. Maybe she would be alive... maybe she would be in my arms, hugging me and Happy, us laughing in the guild with all our memories. If only... if only...

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed that~ Sorry if it's so short. If they are, tell me and I'll make them longer in upcoming chapters.<strong>

**Reviews are appreciated! Thanks!**


	2. Come back to Earthland!

**I'm sorry, Lucy by LeanMeanGreen**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Fairy Tail.

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the reviews, follows, favourites and other things! I really appreciate them all! Okay, anyway, this might sound crazy, but I actually made this story up on the spot. I shit you not. It just came to me like a huge tidal wave. I was like: "Shit! I have to write this down!" Then the FanFiction website came to mind. Well then, back to the story...

**About story: **This is Gray's point of view from what been happened to the guild after Natsu returned. Mostly thought, not much action.

As always, reviews and constructive criticism is appreciated! Please don't be too mean, though... I get dejected easily.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: <strong>Are you there?

**Gray's POV.**

Natsu's behaviour for the past month has been quite... depressing. I'm not sure what his intentions are, actually, but from the looks of it, I thinks it's just 'visit Lucy's grave everyday until I die'. From what Mirajane has told me, he arrives at the guild really _fucking _early, drinks few mugs of beer, then takes some flowers from the guild's garden and stays at her grave for most of the day. He comes back late in the afternoon, softly crying and not talking to anyone who tries to interact with him.

The guild is always so quiet. I don't exactly like it... it's gloomy. Ominous, almost. Like, it's so quiet it scares me. I always think of how the guild used to be. How, if Lucy ever came back somehow, how we'd all party and appoint is as a big mistake. I could finally see a smile come back to everyone's faces. I haven't seen Natsu smile once in this whole entire month.

While Natsu was gone, Erza, Happy and I tried to go out on a mission. For one, Happy told me that he didn't want to go until Natsu came back. I didn't _try _to argue. I didn't want to argue, either. It was a very valid reason. So, when Erza finally picked out a mission for us to choose from, we set out to go on the mission. Albeit, once we made it to the train station, memories came flooding back. Erza broke down on the spot. At least I was there to comfort her, right? We half-heartedly walked back to the guild, telling Mirajane we couldn't handle the mission.

You know, you would've thought Natsu would have gone to visit Lucy's house, gather her belongings and take them to his own house. Just for, you know, safe keeping. I don't think Lucy ever got around to writing a will. But if she did, I bet most of it would go to Natsu. Maybe some of her books to Levy.

I think that's enough thought time.. Juvia is _still_ stalking me... *sigh*

**~ A few minutes later ~**

Flame brain returned from Lucy's grave.

And do you _know_ what he did as soon as he came back? He started drinking. Shit, I wanted to punch the poor bastard in the face, just to let him feel anything but sadness. I think the wandering iron dragon slayer had the same idea...

"Hey Salamander!" Gajeel strode up to the drinking Natsu, each of his steps thundering against the ground. I could see his eyes, they looked visibly angry. That was the same emotion as me... well, almost. But... why the hell was Natsu wasting his life on alcohol? Surely, Lucy would be against it. He's been taking about 5 mugs a morning, the same in the afternoon... well, as told by Mirajane. "Fight me!"

Honestly, I saw that one coming. I even challenged the Flame Brain to a fight the other day just because I hoped his high spirits would come back. Didn't work. He just shrugged me off like I was nothing. And really, I wasn't going to persist either. But Gajeel... he doesn't look like he's going to give up anytime soon. I sure hope he fucking doesn't.

"No." His answer was about as blunt as the end of a sword. Flat, and rather dull. From the rage in Gajeel's eyes... He looked like he was about to beat Natsu senseless. Some part of me wanted him (Gajeel) to do it, but the other part of me felt genuinely sorry for the guy. But still, he had been sitting there everyday for a month. When the hell was he going to get up and do something except visit Lucy's grave and drink? He was... no- he _is_ a complete fucking mess. It makes me angry. It makes everyone angry. He can't just mourn there forever. Lucy would want him to do something, right? I was planning on trying to head on another mission with Erza, this time bringing the hot-headed bastard with us.

I couldn't really take much more of his drinking. Neither could Erza. She looked like she was about to join in the fight, too. Just as she was about to, Gajeel grabbed Natsu by the collar and flung his across the room. Natsu did nothing to defend himself, except moan dryly and let the iron dragon slayer fling him.

"Gajeel!" My head turned to see the source of the voice; and really, it wasn't all surprising on who it was. It was the blue-haired script mage, Levy McGarden. She stomped over to Gajeel, trying to look about as fierce as her small, petite body would allow her. But really, she looked like a cute, helpless penguin trying to pick a fight with a monstrous 400 pound ox. Although, I'm not calling Levy weak either, it's just... Levy compared to Gajeel... think about it.

"Don't bother me, shrimp." The long, black-haired mage murmured, crossing his arms over. His eyebrows were furrowed together in frustration, and I couldn't blame him for being angry. Natsu was lying against the guild's wall, looking unbelievably drowsy, only murmuring a few things in his half-slumber. His body slouched, and his arms were placed weakly beside him, his head drooping to the left side of the him. He had a empty jug in weakly stored in his right hand, as it looked like it was going to slip if his grip loosened anymore.

"Why did you throw Natsu?!" The Shadow Gear leader screamed, her face turning red. Everybody's attention was to the argument, except for Mirajane.

"Because his lazy fat ass hasn't been paying attention to any of us! Not even Happy!" The bulky male retorted, glaring at her with enough intensity to fry her right off the earth.

"Well, he's sad about- about..." It seemed that Levy couldn't bring herself to say her name. Neither could I. Just saying it brought back memories. Happy ones, in fact. Which made it all the more sadder.

"Lucy. Her name is Lucy. Don't forget it..." A hoarse, dry voice filled the room. Echoing the silence as the last words faded away. He finally spoke to us.. not just to Mirajane, but us. _Finally, w_as all I could think of. "... and if you ever forget it ..." I heard Natsu continue. He was shakily rising to his feet.

"I WILL PERSONALLY **BEAT YOU TO PULP**!" The Salamander screamed, his fists curling into balls, his face turning red from anger.

Everyone seemed astonished. So did I. His first words to us in a month and it was threat. No one seemed to mind... they almost seemed happy. _Almost_. The pink-haired boy stormed out of the guild, slamming the door shut as he did so. No one seemed to want to go after him. Except Erza and I.

As we quietly made our way out of the guild, it looked like Natsu was making his way to the place where we kind of expected him to go. Lucy's apartment. You would think, after these three years, the whole place would be a complete fucking mess. Well, it isn't, actually. It rather clean. As clean as she left it.

I was almost walking mindlessly, my thoughts more consumed on aura of Lucy's apartment than what was going on at the moment. Albeit, these thoughts were cut short my a soft whimpering I started to pick up as we approached the stairs in Lucy's apartment building. Natsu is crying... I'm sure of that one. I had never seen Natsu so broken before... I don't think he was even this broken when Lisanna died, which is saying something. Erza slowly opened the door, the rusty hinges making a small squeak as we did so. Natsu was sitting cross-legged on Lucy's pink covered bed, his face dug into his hands.

I could see the wet tears sliding through the gaps between his fingers, the way that they splattered onto the bed with no sound at all. The way is body shook as the, although silent, sobs filled the whole room with sadness. Goddamn, I still felt Natsu needed to get a hold of himself. Everybody was sad when Lucy left us, for sure, but Natsu... he's one a whole different level.

Please, it's been a freaking _month_. Sure, tell me to be more sympathetic, but I can't stand to see the pink-haired, determined, fiery dragon slayer shattered into a million pieces. It just not _him_. It's just not is personality, that's all...

Erza took a seat next to him, awkwardly softly patting him on the back. I felt that we could all just sit on the bed and cry about Lucy's death for hours. It is achievable, but if we did it, I wouldn't call it an achievement. Not in the least. Am I supposed to be the strong one that's supposed to support the whole team? Or was that Erza's job? No... it was Lucy's job, right? I remember Gajeel calling her a 'cheerleader'. But no, she's so much more than that... a guild mate, a teammate... a friend. Her slightly optimistic ways and her strange sense of humour sort of brought the whole team together. So.. without her, the whole team is broken into pieces?

That's right. What's Team Natsu without the whole team? Team Natsu has made it throughout everything together... the whole of Team Natsu even competed in the Grand Magic Games... and _won. _Excluding Happy. (Sorry, Happy.)

My thoughts were once again cut short by Natsu. He had finally stopped crying, and it seemed he suddenly took interest in Lucy's carpeting. It wasn't like him to act so nervous, but the atmosphere was so tense and grim. I took a seat on one of the single chairs and relaxed in the comfy cushions it had to offer me. We sat there in silence for a while, not really sure what to say to each other.

"What was it like?"

My eyes stopped wondering around the apartment and snapped onto Natsu. He finally spoke up, but his words were small and rather... shy. This Natsu reminded me of Edolas Natsu. Shy, and rather afraid of everything. I guess he feels the same way, huh? When Lucy left, and the news sank in, we felt vulnerable. I- no, _we_ don't exactly know why, but it is a horrible feeling. Something important was missing, a maybe, because of that, we felt we lost a little bit of protection.

"What was what like?" I spoke up. It didn't seem like Erza was going to talk, but she looked intent on listening to what Natsu had to say.

"What was it like when she was sick?" The sulking pyromaniac asked.

Remember how I said Lucy's apartment was 'as she left it'? By 'as she left it', I actually mean _as she left it_. She died right on her bed. Erza was there, so was I, accompanied by Happy and Lisanna (who would've guess, right? Lisanna, of all people.) She had been bedridden for the whole month. If I can recall the whole thing, which I _really _don't want to do, is that she hardly ate anything, and her trips to the bathroom were only 3 or 4 times a week (if you look at it, it's not really all that much). We tried to offer her food as much as we could, but it really didn't matter, as she refused only when she was very, very hungry. Master and Mirajane came every week, while most of the guild members visited occasionally (like Levy and Gajeel).

We don't know why she didn't tell us beforehand. Perhaps she was scared that everybody was going to over-react if we knew she was _that_ sick. I remember her telling us that she felt weak. I don't think she needed to feel that way... she _is _one the of the strongest celestial wizards I know. But then again, we seem to be always saving her butt from things that she didn't intend to get into. Especially Natsu. Natsu was always there to save her. Perhaps she thought she could take care of herself, without us. Just to let herself know that she isn't as weak as she thinks she is.

She also didn't allow us to make her feel better. All she would do was sleep, eat and drink. We tried to talk to Lucy, I _think _Lucy tried to talk to us, but nothing happened. She died almost peacefully, in her sleep. We all wanted to take care of Lucy, so that's why we were there at the time she passed.

I remember the way that the doctor told us that we couldn't do anything for her sickness. We found out about a 2 months after the sickness started, which was about a month before Natsu left. That means she only had a month left with us... it was horrible. It was maybe even _more _horrible than what it was like _after _she died. The promises she would be okay, the apologises, the crying. Lots, and lots of crying. Most of it by Elfman. (He's a real softie, y'know?)

"It was horrible. I don't think you want to know." I murmured, grimacing at all the memories.

"I want to know! Did Lucy... did Lucy ever mention me?" The fire dragon slayer asked quietly, his attention turning back to the plush carpeting. I didn't have a chance to respond as Erza did it for me.

"She did, Natsu. Plenty of times. She said she was sorry."

"For what?"

"She didn't say."

I think I have a vague idea what she was sorry for.

Natsu and Lucy are like... how does the saying go..? Two peas in a pod, right? Natsu is always there for Lucy, and Lucy is always there for Natsu. I remembered rumours swirling around that they both - as Happy would say - 'liiiike' each other. I didn't doubt it. I _wouldn't _doubt it. It's a coincidence that it was _Natsu _who found Lucy. It could've easily been me.

Back then, it could've easily made me laugh. Now it can't. Because Natsu... he'll never get the peace of mind to _actually _tell Lucy how he feels.

Poor bastard.

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><p><strong>Done~! Hope you liked it.<strong>

**Reviews are appreciated! Oh, and, sorry for all the spelling and grammar mistakes.**


	3. Get over it

**I'm sorry, Lucy by LeanMeanGreen**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Fairy Tail. Hiro Mashima-dono does! ^^

**About current chapter: **This is Natsu's point of view again. He tries to find a way to get over Lucy's death, by taking the opinions of fellow guild members. This leads up to Natsu talking about the personalities of the guild members, while the story still goes forward.

**Author's Note: **Gihi! Thanks for the reviews and follows, again! School I starting in 4 days, and I'm thinking about going on hiatus. Again. But then again, writing this story is much more fun than doing some homework, (despite my grades :O), so I'll try to continue writing this story. I still want to keep the sadness aspect, but humour every now and then is harmless. Sorry if the story is going too slow for you. Trust me, it'll speed up. Anyway, enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: <strong>Maybe this will do...?

**Natsu's POV.**

Gray personally told me how Lucy end up dying. At least I have a little bit of closure. I've been replaying the scene in my head of when Gajeel flung me across the guild, then how Levy and him got into an argument. How he said that I was ignoring everyone. And in truth, I _was_ ignoring everyone. I'm not even going to argue with the iron dragon slayer. Because it's the _truth_. I feel so bad about being so... so... selfish, I guess.

The guild has been giving me ideas on how to get over her death better. Going to her grave everyday apparently wasn't working for me; so "a better solution would be for the best". Cana gave me the idea on trying to date 'new' girls. Which is saying something, since Lucy and I never started dating in the first place.

Most girls know the infamous 'Salamander', famous for being one of the strongest wizards of Fairy Tail, despite not being a S-class wizard yet. (Yeah, I know, it annoys me too.) It wasn't that hard for me to find a date, because most girls fling themselves at me. I don't like how they do that. Lucy would never do it - even though I'd want her too - which kind of makes me want to avoid other girls even more.

They're nothing like Lucy. Now, you would think, me dating a girl that's similar to Lucy would be bad, but I know it isn't. Or, at least, I think it isn't. May as well fill the gap Lucy left for me, right?

Maybe, if I find the new girl, I could make her join Fairy Tail...

**No**. What the _fuck _am I saying? No girl could live up to the bond Lucy and I created while travelling together. Inseparable, like Happy and I. Partners for life. *groan* If I keep on thinking about Lucy, I'll get more upset, hence the depression coming to visit. Stupid depression. Stupid Lucy. NO. Lucy isn't stupid! I shouldn't blame this on her! Damn. I'm going bullshit crazy. I think I need another drink.

**...**

Oh yeah, this makes me think.. (Rare, me thinking? I know.) What happened to all Lucy's contracts? She had 10 of the Zodiac Keys. That's a _lot _if you think about how many wizards there are in the world. But then if you think about how many celestial spirits there are, maybe it's not so much. I bet Loke could give me some good advice on how to get over her death. He must be pretty devastated too.

I wonder if Loke knows how to handle rejection. I've never seen him get rejected before. Well, maybe, except by Lucy... but he was persistent and kept on going. Does that mean I have to be persistent and keep on going? How is that possible? Lucy is dead. I have nothing to be persistent _to_.

Pushing the dating idea aside, Gray gave me the idea to go on bunch of missions. Pretty much, select a bunch of missions from the mission board, and go out on all of them. His idea was pretty great, but no way in _fuck _was I going to go along with what the ice princess would suggest.

Sure, he means well, but this rivalry was between us has been going on for years. More years than I can count. I certainly can't count the years on my fingers, which is _definitely _saying something. And, despite people's theories, I want to prove to all of them that I'm not stupid, and that I only think about fighting and eating.

It's not true! I swear it isn't! But... you know... speaking of food... I'm kind of hungry...

**...**

Damn! I got side tracked again! First a drink now a humongous meal. This makes me realise, have you ever noticed how perverted Cana can be, despite her being a female (because, you know, most females in our guild don't think about sex as much as guys in our guild)? Maybe it's just her alcohol talking, but she always gave me 'ideas' on what to do with Lucy even _before _Lucy was dead.

You've probably noticed this already, but I've been a hopeless romantic from the very start. I told Igneel about my feelings for Lucy, he asked me what I did about it, and it got me thinking... _did _I do anything about it? No. That's what makes me regret Lucy leaving me even more. I didn't do a single thing to make things between us better. Well, maybe a few things, but I'm _sure _they don't count.

Right. Next idea. Elfman? What was his one again?

"Be a man".

Of course. Classic Elfman...

I should say, they're not telling me these ideas on the spot. When I was visiting Lucy's grave for the 5th time that week (*ahem* I go everyday), they wrote up a list for me on ideas on how to get over her death. Most of the guild contributed ideas, but most of the don't match me. They made a whole list and I'm reading through it again and again.

"Try some artist studies" - Reedus. His idea sounds great, and he's always so calm when he's painting, but I'm just not that gentle to start drawing. I've tried drawing before.. it turned out to be a complete disaster. Lucy wouldn't speak to me for a week after because I made her face look so disfigured. I can't lie, it was pretty funny, but for her to ignore me for a whole _week, _that was probably one of the worst things ever.

"Read" - Levy. Lucy tried to get me into reading, once... failed miserably. Igneel was the one who taught me how to read in the first place, and even for him it was difficult. When I went back to training, one of the many first things I asked Igneel to teach me was reading. I learned a lot of words, a lot of _big _words, so I could impress Lucy. Didn't happen, and never will.

Most of these suggestions at based on _that _person's personality. Maybe they could give_ my_ personality a chance? None of these match me. Except for Gray's. Like _hell _I'm going to go along with his idea. Stupid stripping bastard is smarter than I am.

"Help work at the bar" - Mirajane. Ooh. This one sounds okay. But.. cleaning. I'm not even bothered to clean my _own _room. Let alone my entire house. But, working at the bar would be great for money... I always feed off Lucy. She probably doesn't like me for that, but she never said 'no', so I kept on doing it anyway. Damn, I was a persistent kid. Good enough. I got what I wanted most of the time.

All of these idea a pretty crap to me. I can't find anything I _want _to do, so maybe I should just stick to the regular drinking and visiting Lucy's grave. What would Lucy do in this situation? What would she do if _I _died? Hmm... Oh!

I know!

She used to always write letters to her dead mother. It seemed to work for her... won't it work for me? Oh. Right. I'm 'terrible' at literature. Perhaps I could _just _try...? Lucy is smart. If it worked for Lucy, it _should _somehow work for me.

Screw that. SCREW IT. All of these ideas are fucking terrible (I'm sorry, guys) ... and I'm too stubborn to go along with Gray's idea. I should head back to the guild. I've basically been camping out at Lucy's apartment. Happy described it as 'waiting for her to come back'. And, truthfully, I _am _waiting for her to come back. I really can't believe that she's dead. It was the same attitude when Lisanna died, it's the same attitude now.

**~ Later, at the guild ~**

"Yo! Natsu, you chosen yet?"

I shook my head at Gray, at the same time giving an apologetic shrug. He didn't really seem to mind, but then again, Gray is like the master of a straight face. I wonder... did Erza ever give me an idea? I don't think she did. Hm. May as well check with her.

"Yo, Erza!" I rested my hands on the back of my head, relaxing into them. Happy turned his attention away from Wendy and Carla just to float over my shoulder and rest there. A gave him a smile and let him stay there. He missed me, a lot, I could tell, but he seems to be better friends with Carla and Wendy. Perhaps he stayed with them all that time in my absence? It would make sense. Carla also seems to be less harsh to the guy.

"Hm? Natsu?" Erza's attention turned from her half-eaten strawberry cake to me. "What do you need?" She raised a quizzical brow. Maybe because I was so silent for so long, they weren't used to me talking to them anymore. Probably. _Probably_.

"Did you write on the list?" My feet moved me towards a chair near Erza's table, and my hands dragged it over to her. I slowly sat on it, my arms going to rest in the table.

"What list?" She looked genuinely confused. Did they not tell her?

"Nevermind." Such an awkward conversation. I could talk so easily to everyone back then.. maybe it was because Lucy was with me? Gray is right about everything feeling different without Lucy. I rose from the chair, bringing it back to it's original table. I wandered over to the bar, in Lucy's spot, and ordered another drink. Drinks help me feel calm.

"Natsu!" Happy screamed on my shoulder. He smacked the drink out of my hand, causing me to jump back in bewilderment. My eyes widened as my eyebrows furrowed and I took a hard glance towards the blue male feline.

"What is it, Happy?" Happy didn't show any hint of cowering, despite my hard glare. I guess I couldn't do it as good as Erza or Lucy.

"No drinking!"

"Why not?"

"Because Lucy wouldn't want it!"

I winced. My glaring eyes turned to the bar table, my feelings rushing back over me like a tidal wave. I slowly shut my eyes, my hands suddenly reaching my face, blanketing my vision in darkness.

I _know_ Lucy wouldn't want it. I'm not smart like Lucy. I don't know any other way to handle her death. How else was I meant to do it? I don't know. For a whole 2 weeks, I couldn't stop crying. I still feel like crying now. But I'm not going to.. I'm going to stay strong. For Lucy. I can hear the muffled apologies of Happy, the soft tapping on my back.

My hands that were covering my face fell onto the table, and my face almost did the same because lack of support. My head turned to my blue partner that was still on my shoulder, and I gave him a weak smile. He was genuinely sorry. His angry expression had morphed into an apologetic frown, the soft tapping on my back was by him. Nobody noticed my short breakdown except for Mira, but she didn't interfere.

"I'm sorry, Natsu! I didn't mean to..." He spoke, jumping down from my shoulder and onto the bar table in front of me. He sat down and stared at me with his 'sorry' face.

"I'm not mad. It's okay, Happy." The corners of my mouth twitched, making my weak smile slightly wider. I hugged the furry feline, just needing a little bit of comfort.

"Thanks, Natsu! I'm going to visit Wendy and Carla!"

My cat partner waved me goodbye and flew over to the young dragon slayer and her female companion. I'm glad for Happy... at least he gets a chance at love. Love. I never really got how love works, and I still don't, despite Igneel's advice.

**...**

I finally got over the little scene. I stopped drinking after the first mug, and my attention just turned over to talking with my fellow guild mates. Usually, a fight would occur, but I didn't feel like getting into any. Yeah, it's not exactly me, and I did have the _huge _temptation to punch the stripper in the face, but I was just too broken down to punch anyone's face, really.

I was having a small talk with Levy about books, it wasn't _that _boring, but it isn't really my subject for chats.

I suddenly zoned out as my nose caught a whiff of a familiar scent. It was nearby the guild. My chin raised as I tried to get a better whiff of the smell. It smelt... It smelt a lot like Lucy. The familiar and comforting scent of strawberries and vanilla, but it was slightly eroded by an unknown smell. Perhaps it _could_ be Lucy.

My mind didn't have time to think rationally as I hopped out of the seat and rushed through the guild's doors, almost destroying them. Sure I could hear the shouts of my name behind me from my fellow guild mates, but I didn't take the time to turn around and apologize.

Lucy could be out there. Waiting for me. I just _had _to get to her. This is the same feeling I got when I rushed to see Igneel... the thumping of my heartbeat, how I can hear the rhythmic pattering of my feet against the ground. I pushed through the crowd, desperately trying to reach the smell. It _is _her. I knew it.

"Lucy!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. The smell was fading, and fast.

I needed to get there._Desperately._

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><p><strong>Done~. Sorry for the terrible editing, spelling and grammar mistakes.<strong>

**Reviews and constructive criticism is appreciated as always!**


	4. Smile for once

**I'm sorry, Lucy by LeanMeanGreen**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Fairy Tail. Hiro Mashimo-dono does! Oh, and I forgot to mention, I don't own my cover picture.

**About chapter: **Natsu runs into a girl who smells _a lot _like Lucy.

**Authors Note: **Once again, thanks for reviews, follows, favourites and other things! I have no things to say, but High School is finally starting for the year and I will not have that much time to work on these chapters! So _please _don't complain if Chapter 5 takes like 2 months to add. :c

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: <strong>Wait a second...

**Natsu's POV.**

I tore through the crowd, chanting Lucy's name over and over again. Nothing was on my mind except to reach the smell, I didn't want anything else at that very moment. I pushed a lot of people aside, causing them to fall. Lot of them were cursing at me, most of them were giving me these evil Erza glares. I ignored every single one of them.

"Lucy!" This word seemed to be the only thing I could create. I couldn't even say 'slow down' or 'you're not dead'. The adrenaline of chasing after someone I love was one of the best feelings ever. Maybe I was overreacting? It couldn't possibly be her! Gray said she died in front of them. But then again, the little bit of hope I was clinging onto helped me push through the crowd...

And right into her.

I was too fast for Lucy, and knocked straight into her, sending us both flying onto the ground. I wasn't intent on tackling her, but this was okay. She wouldn't mind, right? Oh. Well, thinking back to the old Lucy, that's highly unlikely. My arms curled around her into a hug and my eyes shut tightly, in the fear I was going to squash her by just laying on top of her. Fuck.. I must seem like such a pervert to the passer-by's who are eyeing us.

Nothing happened. No, "NAAATSUUUU!" or "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, BAKA?" Just silence, and heavy breathing. Mostly contributed by me. My eyes blinked open to see that the girl I was chasing was not the girl I was looking for. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion and I realised my tight grip on the girl. She isn't Lucy. Her hair is short and brown, compared to Lucy's long blond hair. What the fuck?

"Who the hell are you?" I couldn't help but make the words roll of my tongue. I wouldn't say something as rude as that, Igneel taught me how to be better mannered than that, but after the confusion of realising that the person I was chasing was _not _the person I wanted to see- well, what _can_ you say?

"I could say the same thing." The girls voice wasn't as upbeat and happy as Lucy's. More grim and monotone, with that hint of confusion.

"I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else..." I murmured, a crimson red creeping across my face. Our position was a strange one. She was below me, her face as dull and confused as ever, and me, on top of her, so close like we were about to kiss.

Fuck me. I shouldn't be doing this. I rolled to the side, getting rid of the awkward aura between us. Shit. I just tackled a girl I don't know... but hell, she doesn't seem to be as abusive as Lucy. Good thing, because Lucy can be pretty scary at times. Maybe even more than Erza, which is saying something grand.

"That's okay. And you are...?"

As I rose to my feet, I helped the muddy brown-haired girl to stand. Her outfit was strange, too, a black hood concealing all the clothes she wore underneath it. Her eyes were a soft brown, just like Lucy's, only instead of being filled with happiness and wonder, hers were filled with confusion and... nothing, I guess. She doesn't have very many emotions, by the looks of it.

"Dragneel. Natsu Dragneel of Fairy Tail." I gave a proud smile while announcing the name of my guild. Despite being depressed for a month or so, I couldn't help but smile at the mention of Fairy Tail. After the Tenrou incident, and our 7 year hiatus, the Fairy Tail name was beaten and messed around within our absence. Nothing really angers me more than the threatening of my nakama, especially if it's directed towards Lucy or Happy. After the Grand Magic Games, the Fairy Tail name rose to the top, putting us back in our former glory.

After I announced my name, the girl seemed to be surprised. I don't know why, but for a few seconds after I mentioned my name, she studied me as if I were a new species to her or something. To be honest, my looks have changed ever since I left those 3 years ago, my hair is slightly longer and my muscles are much, much bigger.

"Lily. It's just Lily." The girl murmured, giving me a small smile. I was curious; what was she doing? Especially, why was she running? Was she running away from something? Was she running away from _me_? But.. she doesn't even know me. Fuck.

"Are you going anywhere?"

"No. Well, not specifically." She answered, her attention turning to the ground. She looked uncomfortable, maybe I should stop asking questions... I'm too curious to stop, however.

"Are you a mage?" Lily shook her head, I was smart enough to know it was a signal for 'no'. Although it's not that suprising, being 90% of the population of Fiore are _not _wizards, some part of me hoped she was a celestial wizard. She smelt just like Lucy... although her facial features and hair weren't like Lucy's, her eyes had the same spark as my old comrade's. Although it's slightly duller... "Do you want to see Fairy Tail?"

Lily shook her head again. Damn.

"Holy Edolas." I gave her a surprised look, even though inside my feelings were the opposite.

"W-What?" Her face turned from shy and rather dull to distressed. But hey, at least I had some feelings going on. At first glance, you would think was one of those types to not pay attention to anyone. What do they call it? Emo? Does anybody say that? I've never heard Mirajane say it, and she comments on people looks all the time. Good naturedly, of course. I couldn't imagine Mira being mean...

"_You_. Of all people, _you _don't want to see Fairy Tail?" I gasped, my face morphing into one of those 'you're fucking kidding me, right?' looks. I pretty sure it worked, because all of a sudden her eyebrows creased. Her hands curled into balls, a light angry blush appearing on her face. I crossed my arms over my chest, just to add more smug and dramatic affect.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Her shout was very much like a squeal. Like... her voice gradually turned higher by the middle of the sentence, then gradually dropped.

I couldn't help what happened next. At first, it was a tingle in my throat. I ignored it, and continued to stare her down like there was no tomorrow. I could intimidate her, then drag her to Fairy Tail. That would work, right? I don't know why. I just wanted her to visit the others... maybe Gajeel would smell Lucy in her clothes too. Because I hoped it wasn't _just _me. Perhaps I was deprived of Lucy's presence, meaning that was the reason for me chasing after Lily. No. I've been deprived of Lucy's presence for weeks.. it couldn't have possibly been _just me_.

The tingle resurfaced again, this time not wanting to give up. I coughed it away, but after a few seconds it came back. I was starting to get extremely uncomfortable. I also saw tugging at the corners of Lily's lips. The tingle travelled up my back, causing me to shiver, but I ignored it again.

Lily's lips were becoming wider. She felt happy at me being terribly uncomfortable? That's horrible. The tingle was making me fidget around, but I stood there with my arms crossed and a grim face, even though a smile was threatening to appear on my lips, too. It was like... it was like the tingle was trying to make a sound. The tingle became more and more obsessive of trying to force me to make me make this strange sound. I sound I hadn't heard from myself in a long time.

My breathing became faster, and the excessive tingling made my arms shake. I don't know why I wanted to push it back, just the tingling running through my body made me deliriously happy. But the feeling sound felt... alien, almost. I used to do it all the time. I couldn't now.

After what seemed like hours, but in actual fact it had only been seconds, the tingling finally escaped my barriers and I made a small squeaking sound. My face turned a light red from the sound, because it felt and sounded like a whimper. Lily broke. She broke right in front of me. The laughter from her came out loud, although she was snorting every now and then, it wasn't ugly.

Although, from before, her face turned back to it's normal colour after she squealed at me for my little comment, the red came flushing back like a tidal wave, and she lurched forward, clutching at her stomach. At first, the sound didn't seem at all funny to me. I was very embarrassed, in truth, and I couldn't just wrap my head around why she was laughing so hard.

My lips stayed as they were, like a straight line, but my eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. What was so funny about a measly squeak? Is this her way of teasing? It's not at all like Gray's. But then it hit me. Loud and clear. Like a stick hitting a gong. At first, my shoulders began to shake. I was now so unused to this motion, to this routine, that it first felt like I was having a seizure. My back shook, and my right hand made it's way to my face, and gripped it, my eyebrows releasing from the furrow.

A smile tugged up at my lips, and the shaking began to become harder. I was making no sound, at first, because no sound made it way through my mouth. At first glance, you would think I was crying. With one hand covering my face, and my whole body shaking, it was the correct motion for it. But, if you looked close enough, you would see the wide smile planted on my lips.

I guess my body had enough of the sorrow.

I fell onto my knees, in front of Lily who was crying in happiness. I don't know why she was happy. We had only met for about five minutes, yet I seemed so sure... so sure that I knew this girl. This girl who has the same soft brown eyes as my beloved Lucy's. Lucy. Please come back to me. I know I'm laughing... but I'm still broken.

Finally, my barriers broke. The laughter first came out dry and cracked. I couldn't blame anyone for that, except myself. I hadn't smiled in a while... it felt good doing it again. Then, my left hand reached to my face as the laughing became louder. I laughed into my hands until my face turned red. Tears started to run down my cheeks, hot and salty, but this time, not of sorrow... of happiness.

Laughing with a girl I accidentally tackled.

For a few minutes, we stayed like that. I laughed, and I cried. People passing us gave us weird looks, but some of them gave us some sympathetic look. I think someone actually threw some jewels at me. I didn't need their money. I just wanted to enjoy this alien happiness that was making my heart beat enthusiastically. The alien happiness that made my arms shake with joy, and not with weakness.

When the laughter I was emitting finally ceased, I took the time to look at Lily who had visibly stopped a few minutes ago. Oh. So the loud laughter was just me. Her face looked a bunch of different emotions; sympathetic, confused, glad... she just sat on her knees, her hands resting on her lap. That pose reminded me so much of Lucy... feminine, and sweet.

"What?" I croaked, hoping she wouldn't notice the small heat rising up in my cheeks. Even if she did, I hope she dismissed it as the laughter. The laughter that made my face go all red.

"Nothing." A few minutes passed after she said these words. I got out of my kneeling position and crossed my legs over. The silence wasn't awkward, not really, but it seemed like she was studying me. My facial features. Like... it was the look of... trying to recognise someone. "So... Fairy Tail?" She finished, slowly standing up.

Maybe my other tactic of staring her down or intimidation didn't work, but the sound of my laughter convinced her to come visit. That would be nice. The others could finally see me smile. I don't think the reason I laughed was all her fault, but maybe partially, because she started laughing too.

I ran in front of her, not beside her, so I could lead her to the way of the guild's doors. The crowd seemed to have lessened, as I felt like when I was chasing her, the streets were busier than usual. Like... Lily made a barricade of people to stop me from getting to her. That's ridiculous, isn't it?

Laughing is ridiculous.

_I'm _ridiculous.

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><p><strong>I hope this chapter made you smile. Or cry. Or anything in between. My feelings were totally cufuddled in this chapter, so sorry if it doesn't make any sense. ISH LILY LUCY? No. She isn't. Maybe. Just keep on reading to find out. ;)<strong>

**Reviews and constructive criticism is appreaciated! Have a good day!**


	5. I remember you

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Fairy Tail, nor my cover photo. I wish I did, though. :c

**About chapter: **Natsu introduces Lily to the guild.

**Authors note: **Sorry about this taking so long. I've had serious writers block.

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: <strong>Who are you, again?

**Normal/3rd Person POV**

Natsu bounded into the guild, as happy as ever. He roughly kicks the door open, with enough force to make the door fly off their hinges and into the wall. Lily rolls her eyes, somewhat annoyed by the boy's rough and childish behaviour.

"Sorry! I'll pay for that!" The fire-breathing dragon slayer apologizes to the stunned Mirajane. The white-haired beauty goes back to cleaning the mugs and dishing, muttering something about large bills and payments. Meanwhile, the rowdy pink-haired dragon slayer marches around the guild, showing off his new friend. Gajeel looks at her questioningly, so does Laxus. Wendy could feel it too, but she didn't say anything.

"Hi!"

"I love books!"

"So many studs!"

"You're adorable!"

"I'm a girl."

"*sigh*"

The fire-dragon slayer looked around the guild. The smile on his face was fading fast, and his hand started to shake as he turned his head to the ground. A certain blue exceed looked at his 'father' nervously, worried if he was going to have one of his breakdowns. He had been falling onto his knees and crying at random moments in time. Natsu and Gray were arguing (not as bad as before) and Natsu broke into tears. Gray teased him the first time that he did it, but once the ice-maker wizard realised his crying was, not because he had lost the argument, because random moments with Lucy would pop into his head.

Natsu flung himself onto a barstool, ordering himself a drink. Boy, did he need one. His stomach burned, for some strange reason, and he couldn't suppress the tears that were threatening to break him down. The guild was exactly rowdy like this when Lucy arrived. There's no fighting going on, however, as the guild's spirit's aren't high enough. As Natsu began to furiously chug drown the drinks. He didn't notice a short-haired non-mage come it next to him.

"You don't look like the one to drink so much alcohol," Lily questioned, **(Oh, remember: this is Natsu x Lucy, _not _Natsu x OC. Natsu and Lucy are my OTP. I'm not going to let that get in the way of my own character.) **tilting her head at Natsu. The pink-haired male paid no attention to her, ordering drink after drink, "you should stop drinking. It's bad for your health."

Natsu shook his head, already downing his 5th drink. He raised a weak hand to order another one, and Mirajane was starting to become hesitant of handing him another. But, she wasn't one to deny orders, and she seemed to understand why Natsu needed all these drinks. As she was filling up another, walking towards the pink-haired mage to give him another drink, Lily raised her hand and then shook her head. She told Mirajane to stop. Mirajane gladly tipped the beverage into the sink and continued to assist the other orders.

The fire dragon slayer turned his head to see Lily. He was already feeling tipsy.

"You. That was _my _drink." Natsu slurred, pointing a weak finger towards her.

"I know. But you should stop." Lily reasoned.

"That was _my _drink."

"I _know_."

"You took it from me," Natsu growled, hopping off the barstool. He started to raise his hand, as if he was about to slap Lily. However, Lily did not cower or flinch. She just stared at him with dull eyes, "you can't just take things from me!"

"You know it was going to be bad if you kept on drinking."

"YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE THINGS AWAY FROM ME!" Natsu bellowed, causing the already quiet chatter in the guild to die down. It seemed that mostly everyone's attention was at the seemingly one-sided argument.

"Natsu..."

"YOU TOOK LUCY AWAY FROM ME!"

"You know that's not true..."

"YOU DID! YOU _LIKE _TO TAKE THINGS AWAY FROM ME!"

"Natsu, you're drunk, stop."

"NOW YOU'RE JUST GOING TO RID ME OF MY SPEECH, TOO?"

Lily felt a hand rest on her shoulder. She turned around to see a certain raven-haired ice-make mage, motioning for her to hop off the barstool. His eyebrows were creased together and his hand on her shoulder was squeezing her. She turned back to see Natsu, glaring at her with anger-filled eyes. She sighed, knowing that this drunk Natsu wasn't going to give up on the useless argument they were currently having. Although, this argument lead her to one question: who _is _this Lucy person? Was she his girlfriend?

Lily hopped off the stool of follow Gray, away from Natsu which was currently shouting insults at her back. Lily shook her head. The male she had been laughing with on the street, it seemed that he wasn't capable of keeping this much anger inside of him. He seemed carefree. _Lucy_. The name kept on ringing in her head. Oh yes- Natsu kept on shouting Lucy, when he was chasing her, it was very scary indeed.

"Hey, look, Lily, was it? I'm sorry about Natsu. He's just been... depressed..." Gray snapped her out of her thoughts. He was looking her straight in the eyes. He look seemed ice cold, but had that same warmth a friend would have when concerned for another friend.

"Who's Lucy?" Lily let the words roll off her tongue. She just needed to know. Meanwhile, Gray made a little choking sound and turned away. He seemed to wipe something off his face.

"Lucy... Lucy.. L-Lucy is..." Gray started, his eyebrows furrowing together even more, enough to make a line between the two, "...Lucy is a person who I love."

Lily's eyes widened. "Girlfriend?"

Gray choked on his own spit, as if he was majorly surprised. "No. Friend... like, little sister."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"What about Natsu?"

"Eh?"

"What is Lucy to Natsu?"

Gray lifted his hands from Lily's shoulders, digging them into his pockets. "I don't know. Don't tell him that I said this, but I think he has a crush on her." Lily gave out a little giggle.

"Where is Lucy?"

The raven-haired male, turned away, giving a soft sigh. It was so quiet Lily had to strain to hear it. She saw him lift his hand out of his pocket and place it onto his face, just like Natsu did when he was laughing. Only this time, there was no happiness in this gesture.

"Lucy... Lucy is dead."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah..." Gray sighed, giving Lily a small wave. "Hey. I'll see you around. Be careful around Natsu, alright? See ya."

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><p><strong>I'm tired, okay? I was meant to write more of this, my usual past 2,000 word, but I'm tired and lazy and haven't logged onto my FanFiction account for weeks. Be disappointed in me, because I'm disappointed in myself.<strong>

**On a good note, however, I'm typing up a new story!**


	6. The Breakdown

**BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUH**

**yes**

**im going to make the chapter much shorter to break through my block on this fanfic**

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><p><strong>Natsu's P.O.V<strong>

I was DONE. I was done I was done I was done. It didn't want to do it anymore. I didn't want to handle human consciousness, anymore. It was too difficult to handle. The guilt, the strain, the never-ending pain. And now, I have this person, who I can't exactly remember the name of, but has the scent of Lucy and I can now NOT get my head around. She needs to leave. Her scent is too much like hers but she could never be her. She was a girl I found on the street…

…just like Lucy. So I did it. I screamed at her. I blamed her for everything that happened to Lucy because it was her fault. She was here, she interrupted me, and I was sinfully happy for the way she managed to make me laugh, just number the pain for the few seconds that it could, a fake shift in the dark reality that tended to slap me in the face again and again. So she left me alone. No one decided to talk to me and I was grateful for it.

And I cried. Like the all the nights before, I cried. Lucy would hate to see me like this. Lucy would try and make me happy. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy, Lucy…

That's all it was, wasn't it? My life revolved around a girl that was dead and that I loved, that I couldn't hold and that didn't get to say goodbye from. I was a fool, Igneel, I was a fool. I should have let her come with me. You would have liked her, maybe just as much as I did.

So I did it. I did what I thought I deserved and it felt good. I slapped myself. I tugged some of my hair out. I scratched the insides of my arms until it showed blood. I screamed at the guilds ceiling. It felt good. I cried, and cried. It felt nice. It wasn't until Mirajane noticed I was seriously beginning to hurt myself until she intervened.

But I fought it. I kicked and roared, begging her not to touch me. No one deserved to touch me. Not because I was above, _oh no_, because I was below. Oh, if I was just there to be with her. If I just let her come with me… I would give anything to see her smile… I was a fool, a fool, a fool, a fool…

Then the ice bastard intervened and tugged onto one of my arms. I kicked him in the face, hard. He flew back into a wall and slide down it, like a rag doll. It didn't make me feel any better. I didn't need to inflict pain upon others to get what I wanted, I was the one that deserved to be punished. If I didn't leave her… if I didn't leave her…

So I did it again. I scratched myself. I slapped myself in the face. I noticed everyone was staring at me funny. Why? This is what I deserved. I deserved to be hurt. Because I left her. I left her in the dark and she just died, while I was gone, and I wasn't there to keep her happy, to help her smile, to compliment her lovely blonde hair, to stare at her smile whenever she laughs, I just wanted to be there, dear Mavis, I just wanted to be there…

Erza clamped an iron fist on my wrist and demanded for me to stop. I laughed. Everything now seemed to be like I was submerged in water. I couldn't see everyone properly, their voice intertwined with another and I couldn't make out word from word. Everything drowned out. I laughed and screamed again. Even my screaming I couldn't hear.

However, I still felt a hand on my wrist. I tugged it loose, but it stubbornly latched onto place again. I tugged it away again, but then it followed suit and reached its spot. I growled at the hand. The hand was annoying. The hand was going to become a problem. I needed to get rid of the hand, so a breathed fire on it. The hand didn't move away, it seemed blatantly unaffected by my magic. I was furious. My magic was steaming. Igneel had taught me how to raise and lower the temperature. I managed to burn down a whole forest.

I squinted. Wait a second, that didn't seem like a hand. I pain shot through my body and I fell to my knees. That's when I came to the realisation I had just scorched my hand. I cried, again. The tears were like a typhoon. Never knowing when it's gonna stop or when it's gonna start up again. I curled my body into a ball and cried harder. I had to stop crying. I hated showing weakness whenever I was around my guildmates. I was meant to be strong for them.

…but I couldn't stop crying. It hurt, it hurt a lot. I don't really think it was the burn, more or less somewhere in my heart is where I felt it the most. I tried to tune out of the pain and began to make out slurred voices. I could sense them trying to get me. I think they were going to knock me down even more. They were calling me weak, weren't they? They were. Because I was crying. I suddenly became angry. I was going to show them who was weak. I was going to –

I tried to stand up, but fell again. I felt hands on my biceps, pulling me back. In all honesty, I had no idea what was happening. All I could sense was that I was angry at _something_, sad for a reason and that the skin on my left wrist was probably burnt away.

I felt a slap on my cheek and blinked in disbelief. I saw mad eyes bore into my own, and the flash of blonde hair. I squinted. Everything was still so blurry, but now everything was moving in slow motion. I squinted even harder. That was Lucy, wasn't it? Trying to wake me up… trying to tell me it was all a bad dream and to get the hell out of her bed like she always did.

A felt the hand connect to my cheek again. Nope. This wasn't Lucy, her hands were much softer. These ones were rough, big. Oh. It was Laxus. Another slap hit me in the face and I fell to the floor. I cried again. I didn't know when I stopped, but I started again. I closed my eyes and took it.


End file.
